Catsitting, Episode 2: Attack of the Cats

Piggie has gone back to her under-bed-hiding ways today, as the maid has arrived and given her a good scare. I was also scared when I heard someone unexpectedly banging around downstairs, but at least I didn't hide under the bed. Piggie's a wimp.

Mojo's made a full recovery. The carpets have not. I'm hoping said maid will work some magic, maybe like in Mary Poppins or something, and fix the carpets. If not, I'm thinking I should break out the bleach!

So it turns out my green thumb may be a bit black after all. I watered the plants yesterday and couldn't help but notice that half of them were dying (but not dead!). I overcompensated and gave them more water, which will hopefully help them. However, so far during my house-sitting stay I have: 1) killed plants; 2) broken the computer; 3) made Mojo sick; and 4) Doug's car squeals like a pig sometimes when I start it now. Somehow, I'm doubting I will be getting this gig again. But on the bright side, at least no one has broken in! Assuming, of course, that that is in fact the maid and not a thief. But if she is a thief, she's an obsessive-compulsive thief who cleans as she goes. Though she may just be wiping fingerprints off...

My last full day of house-sitting! Tomorrow Lisa's mom comes and takes over the job. This is likely to be my last post. Thanks for reading! My dream is that this blog will be preserved and when Norah turns 18, Doug and Lisa will show her this blog, and Norah will say:

Who the hell are Piggie and Mojo?

And on the 14th day, the blog rested TWICE AS HARD.

(PS - Mojo's fine now! Can't say the same for the carpets!)

Mojo's sick. Cat puke everywhere like crop circles on the carpet. I was warned that this might happen, but it's something else entirely to see it. If anyone knows of a good way to get stains out of carpets, let me know.

Huzzah! I'm also watering Lisa's plants while she's gone, and an "African Desert Violet" has flowered under my watch. As a non-gardner, I can only assume that a plant with "African Desert" in the name doesn't flower very often.

I credit this miracle to my innate green thumb. I think my mix of once-weekly waterings, plus ignoring the plants the rest of the week, is a very successful plant-management technique. I call it the "tough love" theory of plant management, and the flowering violet proves it works. Of course we would have to ignore the leaves falling off the other plants. I think they were like that when I got here though. Lisa clearly doesn't have my innate green thumb. She'd do well to adopt my tough love theory. But maybe not with respect to Norah.

Hey, look down there at Day 9! A comment! I just noticed. Good to know someone's reading!

So my mother is off to visit relatives for a week, leaving me her car as of today. I go from having no car to having 2 (3 if you count the car in Doug and Lisa's garage, which is supposedly off limits, but which I have used to engage in capers and hijinx ala Ferris Bueller). No cars to 2 cars - when it rains it pours. 'cept, it's not raining. It's definitely not raining cars. And thank god it's not raining men. Yes, truly, I should be counting my blessing, among them, that there are no scattered remains of men and car parts strewn about the streets due to a heavy car-man storm.

Double irony - my relatives are from Carman, Manitoba. I also hear they get a lot of rain.

While attempting to cook up my dinner, I opened up a package of my veggie chicken and found out promptly that it had gone bad, and stunk quite a bit. Opted instead for tacos but couldn't find the "Pam" or other stick-avoiding spray. Decided to use butter, but I didn't have any, so I had to borrow Doug and Lisa's "imitation butter spread" from the fridge, which I'm assuming is *like* butter. I'm now fascinated by this imitation butter spread. Why not real butter? Or margarine? Probably some vegetarian thing.

Speaking of fridges, I also saw a letter from the vet talking about some cat named "Hera" hanging on the fridge. Either I've lost another cat (see Day 1) or I've discovered Piggie's true name. However, given Piggie is a girl, I prefer the name Piggie as it can become Miss Piggie (cf: The Muppets).

This household clearly shops at Costco or some other bulk-buying place - I open a bathroom cabinet and find approximately 400 toilet paper rolls; I open a kitchen cabinet and find around 100 cat food tins and 10 pasta packages. But, when it comes time to use the dishwasher, they have but a single squeeze-bottle of dishwashing liquid, hidden in the back of a cupboard, buried under plastic bags. Took me like 10 minutes to find that bloody thing. It's too bad I can't wash dishes with toilet paper. Maybe I'll try that next time.

This morning Piggie was sitting by the front door, looking up at the door handle. Either she misses Doug and Lisa, or she wanted to go outside. Both seem equally implausible. In any case, there's no way I'm unleashing that cat on an unsuspecting world.

Okay, I was off in my last post. It wasn't an Oct. 2005 expiry date, it was Oct. 2006. That's freaky on many levels - i) How can something last that long and still be considered "best" (as in best before) even once opened, and ii) If I thought it was Oct. 2005, why didn't I throw it out instead of leaving it in the fridge for me to discover my mistake? I think I might go through the fridge and clear out the expired stuff.

The cats seem to fall to the floor, lying on their backs, whenever I come near them. I take this to mean that they want to be petted, not that I have some sort of overpowering stench about me...

Having been here now for over a week, I can make the following conclusions:
1) Having laundry in-house rocks. No more laundromats for me.
2) The ambient music channel on Rogers Cable also rocks. I turn that on, sit down and do some work - it's great.
3) Snow tires on a car are a good thing.
4) I can never own pets. Too much maintenance, having to come home, feed them, and...well, that's about it, but what can I say, I'm a low-maintenance kinda guy.

More computer problems. For some reason, the computer won't run anything Microsoft-related (e.g., Explorer, Word, etc.). Thank god they have Netscape on their computer!

Piggie's now a regular visitor at my door early in the morning. I think she's made the connection between me and food. I used to sleep with the door open, until I woke up with a great weight on my chest. Stress? Heart attack? No, just Mojo walking on me, letting me know it was breakfast time.

I found something in the fridge with an October 2005 expiry date. I was impressed.

And on the seventh day, the blog rested.

Found the first bit of cat puke today. Now, acocording to the Brownian theory of cat barf, if I allow it to sit a few days, it will be easier to clean. Extending this to its logical conclusion, if I don't touch it until they get back, it will be practically self-cleaning. I'm anxious to test this hypothesis.

It turns out Piggie is bipolar. She now lets me pet her, but after about five or six pets, she starts to hiss at me and try to bite me. Women!

Used the jacuzzi today. Read a social comparison article at the same time. Realized this is not as hot a party as I had anticipated.

Progress! Piggie sniffed my hand today when I put it near her, then ran away. I think she's warming up to me.

Speaking of warming up, it was about 15 degrees today. I cruised into school with the window down, tunes blaring, expecting to get appreciative glances from the ladies. I have since discovered that a 1992 purple Saturn is not a babe magnet. Blasting the radio station "Dave FM," which consists of bad 70's tunes and worse 80's tunes, probably didn't help. With this car and radio station, perhaps I should be targeting the senior demographic.

Danny wanted me to mention that he got a goal in soccer the other night. I believe the joy he's experiencing might be the same as the joy you'll experience when Doug and Lisa pick up Norah, so it fits with the theme of this blog.

Saw something out of the corner of my eye today. I think it was Piggie! Very exciting to see her out from under the bed.

Mojo and I engaged in a thrilling game of "attack the shadow" today, where I would shake my head and he would attack the moving shadow of my head on the carpet. Got a headache after a bit and stopped.

Had a panic attack. The computer froze up and I had to reboot. When I rebooted, a screen came up and asked for a password. Doug and Lisa left me no password. Visions of two weeks without internet flashed through my head. Thankfully, I was able to log in normally after I clicked on the "cancel" button that was next to the password prompt, and bypassed this extremely effective security measure. But for my cunning skill with the cancel button, this was almost the shortest-lived blog ever.




For those of you who aren't familiar with our dramatis personae, this is an image of Mojo (with Doug, stolen shamelessly from Doug and Lisa's blog), the friendly cat. Unlike other cats, he's always around, wanting to be petted, jumping up on me, etc.

Piggie, however, has yet to emerge from underneath the various beds, couches, etc. around the house. I imagine if she did, this is what she would look like.

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Or maybe this....

On the plus side, Piggie has started eating. So I forsee no weight loss for Piggie, esp. given she hides under beds all day, getting zero exercise. On the other hand, Mojo burns a lot of calories by headbutting my knees, arms, and head if I ignore him for too long. Maybe I should have named this blog "A tale of two cats".

So far, no cat puke on the carpets, except the one that happened before I got here, and Doug was leaving it to dry because it makes it "easier to clean." Yes, I imagine cat puke is quite easy to clean when you are in China and someone else is cleaning it for you. That's right, I'm on to you.

Realized today that the car's speedometer is in miles, not kilometers. No wonder 60 km/hour felt so fast.

While searching for Mojo the other day, I opened the bathroom door in the basement and discovered a jacuzzi. I anticipate hot parties.

Left work early today to come home and give Mojo his pill, and then do some readings. Spent next 2.5 hours looking through the rooms in the house, increasingly franticly, for Mojo. Opened every room, drawer, cupboard, looking for him, while shouting his name. After deciding the maid must have taken Mojo when she came today, I started to make some dinner before deciding if I should call the police. Heard faint meowing, which I tracked to the furnace room. How the hell Mojo got in there I have no idea. Why he didn't answer me during the 2.5 hours I was shouting his name, I also have no idea. Only Mojo knows.

Piggie hides under the bed all the time and is very easy to locate. Unfortunately, when I give her food, she doesn't eat it. I'm assuming she eats Mojo's leftovers when I'm not looking, otherwise, when Doug and Lisa get back, Piggie may no longer be a piggie.